I need a doctor

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Kwiecień

mysli | zabaxxx26 | Kwiecień 25, 2011,22:54

Jak zacząć? Jestem blisko wariactwa. Od tak dawna Cię nie ma. Trzy lata to długo, ale ja prawie nie zauważyłam upływającego czasu. Wie, że pewnego dnia powiem na głos: dobrze, że cię nie ma. Gdybyś żyła ja nie byłabym tym kim jestem tylko jakimś upośledzonym psychicznie, schorowanym człowiekiem. Teraz też jestem, ale to się zmieni. Wygram tą walkę, wygram swoje życie, NIE WIEM JAK , NIE MAM POJĘCIA KIEDY , UDA MI SIE. A co jeśli nie? Potrzebuję lekarza, który przywróci mnie spowrotem do życia. Kogoś kto pokocha, będzie wspierał mnie a nie nieistniejącą istotę wykreowaną pod presją rodziny i otoczenia, religii więcej....

I'm about to loose my mind

You've been gone for so long

I'm running out of time

I need a doctor, doctor to bring me back to life...

Chciałam opisać o tym jak ciężko mi było pośmierci mamy, jak uzależniłam się od czytania romansów. Napisało mi się to całkiem ładnie ale w jakiś sposób usuneło nie wiem jak, trudno. Marzyłam by kiedyś na białym koniu przyjechał ksiąze który by mnie ocalił. O gosz. Pewnie zniszczyłabym, mu życie swoimi troskami i wewnętrznymi demonami. Zła kolejność najpierw trzeba doprowadzić się do porządku a dopiero potem myśleć o związkach. Najcięższą rzeczą było to, że tak naprawdę bałam się przyznać, że coś jest nie tak. Chciałam by widziano we mnie silną istotę, silniejszą od mamy. W rzeczywistości jest trochę inaczej ale nie chce mi się o tym pisać zmęczona jestem. Dzisiaj jestem starsza, silniejsza i wiem że tylko ja mogę uporać się sama ze sobą. Przynajmniej taki mam plan.

CARPE DIEM cyber przyjeciele

Lo26

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komentarze

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I need a doctor

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